The Politeness of Technology (and Rudeness of Fish)

I've had many aquariums, and I confess to being impatient with them. I don't want to wait for this or that cycle to be safely established before adding fish. I don't wait until I learn the language thoroughly before I visit a new country, so I think the fish should be as hardy as I am. They aren't, though. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that the word 'tetra' is Latin for 'kill me.' Many tetras have died under my watch.


I thought the best solution for everyone (fish included) was to install an aquarium screensaver. The cats love it, no cleaning or feeding is required, and I can change the number and type of fish in the tank at whim. If I need to vote a fish off the island for unsatisfactory behavior, there is no need to ask around to find that one soulless, heartless person who won't fuss about flushing a fish out to sea for me. Ah, bliss.

Unfortunately, even the most perfect plan has its downsides. Instead of the upside-down fish common in a real aquarium setting, I received an error from the aquarium screensaver: "Prolific Gold Fish has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience."

What relationship between human and pet could fail to benefit from such politeness?

"Prolific Dog encountered a problem and unfortunately defecated on the rug. We are sorry for the inconvenience."

"Prolific Bird encountered Prolific Cat and experienced a problem. Please reinstall Prolific Bird. We are also very sorry about your sidewalk."