You really can't blame me for skipping that old rite of passage - wisdom teeth extraction - can you?
There I was, studying international affairs in college. I had just been reading about Hungarian history - in particular, about an evil Hungarian dictator. I came home to Cincinnati for a visit, a visit that included seeing the dentist to plan how those menacing wisdom teeth would come out. I would be seeing a new dentist, though. I didn't care to ask his name beforehand - what did it matter? It was just a dentist.
And then I met him - and his last name was the same as the Hungarian dictator's! He had a menacing Eastern European accent to match. When he said, "I vill zee you ven you come back for ze extraction," it wasn't that hard to close my eyes and imagine all of the people the Hungarian dictator had tortured to death. I may have imagined that his eyes widened with pleasure when he said extraction. Yet I didn't want my name at the end of a list that began with, "Even in exile, this former Hungarian dictator continued to kill innocent people - namely..."
That's how removing my wisdom teeth conveniently slipped to the end of every To Do list I've had since I was 19.
Now I'm 36. That which was whimsical to avoid in my late teens, early twenties, mid twenties, late twenties, and early thirties has become just plain foolish. I rarely meet anyone else who still has wisdom teeth at my age. This year I discovered that my wisdom teeth have been leading another perfectly fine tooth astray. This good tooth erupted in pain this week, a pain that I hoped was just a fixable cavity. The pain kept me up at night and eventually prevented eating - leading to the need for an emergency tooth extraction last week.
Did you know that emergency tooth extraction has changed little since times when barbers performed the service in the 1400's? No? Me neither. I'm sure the oral surgeon meant well when he gave me six shots of local anesthetic in my gums and throat. I tried so hard to be grateful while he told me I was such a good patient over and over, and I also tried hard not to feel like a dog being heaped with praise for sitting still on command. If you have an enormous needle in your mouth, a bite block between your teeth, and a very bright light in your eyes, you won't want to go anywhere. You might begin to think about Hungarian dictators and human rights violations, though.
Sooner or later, the fancy technology ends and then the terrible truth is known: pliers and yanking are needed to remove a stubborn tooth. During the yanking part, you might imagine yourself being a chew toy and the oral surgeon being the dog. Having your head shook around a bit will change your life perspective.
I was sent home with a cheerful pile of sterile gauze to plug up my bloody toothless gum hole. This was thoughtful in a Martha Stewart sort of way.
I have succombed to the inevitable. My wisdom teeth will come out on November 30th, 2007. You probably won't be surprised that I have requested full IV sedation. I believe this is best for all involved, including the surgeon.
I'm also kindly requesting that no one tell me ANYTHING about their wisdom teeth extraction experiences lest I cancel the appointment. You might say I have a history.
